The Dating Game
When she was young, Clarissa Dalloway seemed to have a pretty active romantic life where two men where trying to marry her, Richard Dalloway and Peter Walsh. In the book, Clarissa revisits her past a lot, often thinking about all the choices she made and if she had made the right ones, especially choices regarding the choice of marrying Richard or Peter. Each man serve a different role. Peter is the guy she seems genuinely happy to talk to since he is always able to give her something interesting to talk and think about. To me there seems to be a sort of deeper understanding and passion between the two characters, as can be seen in the way Peter keeps thinking back at Clarissa. But the two of them were a bit too close and Clarissa felt that she would feel suffocated if she married Peter. Richard on the other hand is someone who doesn't seem like he's able to stimulate Clarissa in any way. He seems like an awkward teenager on a first date whenever he is around her and so a deep conversation or passionate interaction seems far from his mental capacity (the fact that he couldn't say "I love you" to his wife of at least 20 years is a little worrying). But, because he is so awkward, he is able to give Clarissa the space she desired. The only other thing Richard has going for him is that he has a stable upper class life that Clarissa can ride with little fear of falling off. It was because of this stability that Clarissa decided to marry Richard over Peter.
But I think marrying the Richard was the wrong choice, even if he seems like a nice guy. Although throughout the story Clarissa seems satisfied with her life and is not remorseful, she doesn't seem like she's living it to her full potential. She is missing a lot of passion: passion for her husband and passion for what she does. Whenever she thinks of Richard, there is never a sense that she loves him; there's never a burst of emotion. It's very nonchalant. I would like to think that when you think of your significant other, you usually feel excited and in love (although I may be dumb because I haven't experienced true love yet). But it isn't just her romantic life missing passion, she's also missing passion from what she does everyday. As the wife of a British official, she has keep up appearances and perform her role as "Ms. Richard Dalloway" so that she doesn't humiliate the name. She loses her own personality and with it, a lot of stuff that once interested her. She seems to do nothing during the day, as she has no job and has servants to do what she says, and so she turns to planning parties. If she was marry to Peter, I think she would be in a much fuller life. With Peter, she wouldn't be confined to an upper class life, and would be able to do more of what she wants. Although she wouldn't have her upper class status, she would have way more freedom. Not to mention that her husband would also probably adore her and show her love. Peter > Richard
But I think marrying the Richard was the wrong choice, even if he seems like a nice guy. Although throughout the story Clarissa seems satisfied with her life and is not remorseful, she doesn't seem like she's living it to her full potential. She is missing a lot of passion: passion for her husband and passion for what she does. Whenever she thinks of Richard, there is never a sense that she loves him; there's never a burst of emotion. It's very nonchalant. I would like to think that when you think of your significant other, you usually feel excited and in love (although I may be dumb because I haven't experienced true love yet). But it isn't just her romantic life missing passion, she's also missing passion from what she does everyday. As the wife of a British official, she has keep up appearances and perform her role as "Ms. Richard Dalloway" so that she doesn't humiliate the name. She loses her own personality and with it, a lot of stuff that once interested her. She seems to do nothing during the day, as she has no job and has servants to do what she says, and so she turns to planning parties. If she was marry to Peter, I think she would be in a much fuller life. With Peter, she wouldn't be confined to an upper class life, and would be able to do more of what she wants. Although she wouldn't have her upper class status, she would have way more freedom. Not to mention that her husband would also probably adore her and show her love. Peter > Richard
I like the idea of Richard having a "stable upper class life that Clarissa can ride". They seem to just give each other space and live their lives in "separate spheres," as Mitchell said.Their relationship isn't passionate, but they seem to have an understanding of each other and don't really have any problems or fights. And isn't that something you want in the person you'll spend the rest of your life with, stability and calm? Passion like what Clarissa had with Sally or even with Peter is inherently unstable. All the same, I agree that another choice would have given her a more passionate, full, or interesting life.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that Clarissa's marriage to Peter would have worked out. She often remembers characteristics of Peter that she doesn't like, for example his distaste of sentimentality, or the way he fiddles with his pocketknife while talking. It's these criticisms that are revealing of how their relationship dynamic would have played out- there'd probably be constant nagging or arguing, and even though there'd be small spurts of passion, it's outweighed by their clashing personalities. I think that their relationship would be unstable, as Betsy mentioned, and might have even led to divorce. Also, I think Clarissa became an aristocratic socialite before her marriage decision: her prudish reaction in that one scene with the wedlock baby is representative of her shift in personality.
ReplyDeleteWhile Clarissa may have had a more interesting and passionate life with Peter, she also mentions a few times in the novel how glad she is that she did not marry him. She mentions early on that one of the things she values in a relationship is still being able to have her own time and space. Although her relationship with Peter may have been more passionate, they would have been constantly together and bickering. Richard on the other hand, gives her the freedom to more or less live how she wants, while providing a stable aristocratic life.
ReplyDeleteI think it's important to consider that passion in a marriage is a more recent conception of marriage. At this time, especially for the upper class, marriage also occurred for societal status and acceptability as opposed to love. That being said, I don't necessarily think that Clarissa is unhappy. She is dutifully fulfilling the role that she was married into, which might seem restraining and dissatisfying to a contemporary reader, but completely normal to someone of the 20th century.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sophia on this one. Throughout the book Clarissa and Peter think about each other A LOT. Woolf especially explores Peter's thoughts about Clarissa with great detail. I do believe that there are reasons that Clarissa ended her romantic relationship with Peter such as him always controlling her, him always wondering where she is, him always barging in on her and small things like playing with his knife. Although Richard's stability played an important part in Clarissa's decision, I do not think it was the deciding factor. Very though provoking blog post!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy thinking about what could have been for Clarissa had she chosen to marry Peter instead of Richard. It would have made a huge impact on her life. I understand why many people are saying that she would not have been happy with Peter but marriage is complicated. It will always have its up sides and its downsides; it may be that she looks at her marriage to Richard more positively because that is the situation she has chosen. I think she would have also been fairly happy with Peter (and, as Clarissa tends to do, she would look to the Brightside) as well as face the problems with it. I see how it could go either way.
ReplyDeleteWhile I agree that Clarissa has very little passion with Richard, I disagree that she would have been better of with Peter. It is obvious that Peter has an intimacy withe her that Richard doesn't, but Richard has more respect for his wife than Peter. Peter is always falling in love with people; the latest example is some Daisy he met in India who (though this is a little ambiguous) he is divorcing is current wife for. If he had married Clarissa, wouldn't he be just as unfaithful and easily distracted? At the very least, Richard is faithful to Clarissa.
ReplyDelete